Tag Archives: self-help

Brave Things

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Today I did something hella scary.

If you’ve been following my Instagram, you already know that lately I’ve been trying to embrace things that have previously intimidated me. Some of those things have included sharing a picture of myself in a bikini (which I’ve avoided for years) and singing in public (even though it is just karaoke).

Which brings me to today’s challenge:

Seven years ago a dear friend of mine who is also a brilliant photographer convinced me to pose for a series of photos in which I’m wearing…well, not much. I made him promise that the photos would never see the light of day and he kept his word. At least until today. On my mission to be more daring I decided to post one of the photos online and it is probably the most frightening task I have tackled so far.

I grew up in a household where body positivity was encouraged. Even though we were taught that all bodies were beautiful, as I got older I began to think that mine was the exception to the rule. The kids started bullying me about it at school. I was told that I was so ugly that I should die and the teasing became so relentless eventually I began to believe them. I felt ashamed and covered up my body and hid as much as I could. I hid for years.

Now that I’m older and learning more about myself, I’ve come to the realization that I had let other people dictate my own narrative. I had let other people’s views influence how I felt about myself. Worse, I had given these people way more credit than they deserved by accepting their comments and insults as the absolute truth. Why on earth would I value the opinion of someone else more than I valued my own? Why would I give another person such power over me?

So today I’m taking my power back. It was a nerve-racking decision but it’s one that I’m proud of. I don’t want to spend the rest my life in hiding. I don’t want to perpetuate stereotypes about what makes a body beautiful. If anything, I want to show other people with low self-esteem issues that it is possible to love yourself. You’re allowed to be proud of your body and you should be- it’s a miracle unto itself. (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again until you believe me.) If I can learn to find myself beautiful, you can too.

But it also helps to have a really good photographer.

Sometimes I blog about productivity and such, but sometimes I also pretend to be a model for my photographer friends. Sometimes they even let me model their clothes, like my dear friends at Paper Bagged Vintage. Having fun with photography and fashion has worked wonders for my self-esteem. What makes you feel good about yourself? Comment below or let’s talk in private: you can DM me on Insta, or shoot me a line at keepingbusyb@gmail.com.

 

Take a Look at Yourself and Make a Change

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A little while ago I was at a point in my life when I was ready to make a change. (I wrote a little about it here, if you’re interested.) I no longer found the situation I was in to be tolerable and craved a different environment. I quit my full-time job and went back to freelancing. There were other jobs I tried, too, but nothing seemed to ever work out.

It was really frustrating. I had tried to make all of these changes in my life and I was stressed out and feeling sad. I couldn’t understand why. Had I not given up everything negative in my life in order to feel more fulfilled? It was like no matter where I went or what I tried there was always a dark cloud following me.

When I described this feeling to a friend, it suddenly clicked that all of these situations had one common denominator: me. It wasn’t that darkness was following me everywhere; instead, I was the cloud and I was bringing my old thoughts and habits into new situations with me. Yes, maybe a change of scene had been necessary. But I had failed to take a look at myself and recognize the things I needed to work on personally in order to truly effect that change. I was relying on external factors to make me happy when I should have been relying on myself to create my own happiness.

Some people argue that people never change: I believe that people can change if they want to. We often hold onto old beliefs and thought patterns but in order to truly effect change, we need to let go of the behaviours that no longer serve us and try to improve in the areas in which we are lacking. It may be daunting to take such a long, hard look at yourself but it’s well worth it if you’re looking to try something new and make a change.

What have you done in your life recently to make a change? How did you know that you were ready for one? Comment below or share your story by emailing me at keepingbusyb@gmail.com

Looking for more ways to add balance to your life? I like to write about my journey here.

5 New Year’s Resolutions You Can Still Make (and Keep!)

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I’m the first person to admit that I have never had much success at making new year’s resolutions, but even so I firmly believe that there is no right time to kick an old habit, start something new or think about the things you can do to improve your life. Self-improvement (much like your professional development) is your own project and there are certain simple things that you can start doing today (yes, today!) that in the long-run can lead to a happier and healthier existence.

Here are a few of my suggestions on some of the things you can do right now (yes, right now!) to feel happier, more relaxed and confident in your abilities.

  1. Practice gratitude, or if that sounds corny, commit to practicing happiness. Every night while you’re lying awake in bed trying to fall asleep, think of three things that gave you joy during the day instead of fretting over the things you can’t control. Better still, write them in your journal.
  2. Drink more water. You drink less water in the wintertime which can contribute to feelings of sluggishness, inattentiveness and fatigue. Pour yourself a glass every time you have a coffee or tea and then marvel at how you can stay awake through a whole movie on Netflix.
  3. Smile more. If you start smiling every time you say hello, you’ll realize how much you don’t actually smile, which is sad because many people believe it’s actually good for you.
  4. Be okay with having a good cry once in awhile. We’re so focused on avoiding negative emotions that we forget that releasing them can actually feel good and dare I say it? Cathartic. Pretending you aren’t in a bad mood doesn’t make things easier so if you’re feeling it, let it out. Your reasons for feeling a certain way aren’t always reasonable but your emotions are there regardless and therefore still have validity. Embrace your melancholy, have a good cry, and then move on with your life.
  5. Stop being a flake. For some of you it may be hard to imagine a time when you couldn’t text someone last minute to bail on plans. During ye olden times if you ditched someone you’d be leaving them alone at a table in a restaurant or stranded at a bus stop. Friends don’t do that to friends right? Make a commitment to do something fun and do it. You may surprise yourself and actually have a good time.

What are some of the simple resolutions you’re trying to put in place this year? Tell us below, or email your strategies to keepingbusywithb@gmail.com.

In this day and age we place so many demands ourselves that sometimes even going about our day-to-day lives is exhausting. As a person who likes to keep busy, I find myself struggling to stay balanced. You can follow my journey here, or click here or here to find more ways to streamline your life to keep it simple.

Cold Weather Blues

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You’ve heard about SAD, right? (Seasonal Affective Disorder) People who have it usually experience feelings of hopelessness, lethargy, and depression starting in the fall and it lasts through the winter months until spring comes along. The further north you live from the equator, the higher your chances are of having SAD. Up here in Canada, it’s estimated that about 15% of us suffer from it.

There’s a couple of theories as to why people develop this disorder, but it all boils down to one thing: the lack of light. It’s been said to throw off our natural circadian rhythms and affect the way our brain produces chemicals. Personally, I think if this is true then we should all suffer to some extent during the winter months– not necessarily because of a disorder, but from something that I like to call the “cold weather blues”. You don’t want to go outside. You don’t want to see friends. You feel more tired than usual. (I get it; me too.)

Fighting drowsiness is the first way to beat it- make sure you still try to get up every morning at the same time and leave the bedroom to avoid the temptation to go back to bed. (Sometimes a change in bedtime is necessary, too!)

Another way to beat it is to inject some fun into your social life. When the weather gets cold we all have to fight the inclination to stay inside– it’s isolating, and you run the risk of becoming even moodier and depressed. Make a pact with your friends (and yourself!) to plan something fun every week. Mark it on your calendar so it gives you something to look forward to. My friends and I like to make dinner for each other and we take turns hosting so there’s less pressure all around. If you’re not an outdoorsy person, make a point of finding fun indoor activities to do around your city– museums, art galleries, rock climbing, laser tag, rollerskating- or hey, why not try watching a movie in a theatre instead of the usual Netflix and chill?

Last (but not least), please give journaling a try. It may feel silly or unnatural at first, but sometimes getting your thoughts out of your head and down on a piece of paper is all that you need to lift yourself out of your temporary funk. On particularly bad days I try to practice my own form of gratitude in my journal: I try to write down all of the good things that happened during my day, no matter how small they were. Remembering all of those things gives me hope that good things happen every day, even if we have to remind ourselves of it once in a while.

If all else fails remind yourself that winter, just like everything, is only temporary. It may seem far off but come springtime you’ll feel the sunshine on your face, and you’ll try to remember what winter felt like, and you’ll laugh because by then it will have become a distant memory.

In this day and age we place so many demands ourselves that sometimes even going about our day-to-day lives is exhausting. As a person who likes to keep busy, I find myself struggling to stay balanced. You can follow my journey here, or click here or here to find more ways to streamline your life to keep it simple.

What are some of the ways that you stay balanced? Give us your advice below, or email your strategies to keepingbusyb@gmail.com.

It’s About Who You Like, Not Who Likes You

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Are you a people-pleaser? Are you always the first to volunteer for something? Do you experience a certain sense of satisfaction when you do something for someone else?

Yeah, that’s me to a T.

I think we all want to be liked (myself included) and one of the easiest ways to endear yourself to people is generosity, whether it be financial, emotional or physical. We think that people will see our kindness and that it will make them like us more. Unfortunately, that is not the truth. People will like you because of the things you do for them, not because of who you are. Worst of all, some of these people will take advantage of your kind nature and you will be so busy trying to please them that you won’t even realize it’s happening.

The other day, a friend flipped the whole thing around for me. “Why do you even want these people to like you?” she asked. “Do you even like them?”

Wait. So I was trying to get people to like me even though I might not necessarily like them? Where was the logic in that? Where was the rule stating that everyone had to like me no matter what?

Do I want to be friends with a bully? Do I want to be friends with someone I think is mean? Rude? Toxic? Fake? Selfish? Ignorant? The answer to all the above is no.

So if I don’t want to be friends with them, why would I even want them to like me? What does it say about my character if they do?

So from now on I’m following my friend’s advice. “Think about the people that you like,” she said. “The people you actually admire, who share your values, who you appreciate as a person. Those are the people whose approval you seek. Those are the people that you target as your friends. If you give, they will give back and you’ll keep on giving to each other because that’s how we take care of each other. That’s how we take care of our friends. We choose the best people for us and we nurture them.”

Easier said than done, especially as you grow older and the opportunities to cultivate our friendships grow fewer and farther between and meeting new people becomes more difficult.

I’m lucky to have been able to surround myself with some really strong, intelligent and talented men and women who are above all things kind, and whose generosity seems to know no limits. These are the the people I like, the people I want to be friends with and at the end of the day, I only care about whether they like me too. (Surprisingly enough, they say yes.)

In this day and age we place so many demands ourselves that sometimes even going about our day-to-day lives is exhausting. As a person who likes to keep busy, I find myself struggling to stay balanced. You can follow my journey here, or click here or here to find more ways to streamline your life to keep it simple.

What are some of the ways that you stay balanced? Give us your advice below, or email your strategies to keepingbusywithb@gmail.com.

The Art of Journaling

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Ever since I was a little girl I’ve had a journal. I even remember my first one. It was baby pink with a puffy cover and came with a tiny lock and key which I promptly lost. At six or seven I wasn’t much of a writer but I still felt the power of having an outlet. Writing in my journal allowed me to give shape to the thoughts and emotions I was experiencing, and gave me a safe way of exploring my imagination and working out my problems.

Over the years I’ve continued to journal and with some exceptions it’s a practice I’ve kept up consistently. Out of all of my self-care activities I have found journaling to be the most helpful. Keep in mind I do not use this as a diary, or a record of my daily routine (although you’re certainly more than welcome to do so). I use more of a free-writing style; I jot down things that I’m feeling or experiencing, or something I want to remember. Sometimes it’s just whatever pops into my mind.

Sometimes waves of thought rage furiously through my head, one after the other, at a pace so roiling and intense that I’ve felt too overwhelmed to choose the right words, or felt that I couldn’t keep up enough to write anything down. Even then putting down something, anything, can act as a form of release. My entries then become bullet lists to organize the sea of my mind, each bullet a complete thought or feeling, without self-censoring or judgement, and with little regard to linear form. (Brains don’t really work like that, anyways.)

There are other ways of expressing yourself through journaling; I know some who use their bullet journals as both a calendar and personal diary. (Some of them are crazy amazing.) Doodle, use colour or stickers, or change up your writing or printing style (i.e., cursive, all-caps, different sizes, etc.)

If you’re a hardcore journal-writer looking to improve your journaling experience, there are entire websites, blogs and books devoted to journal prompts or ideas for list-making. Some books will even give you ideas on how to transform your journaling- for example, Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, describes this process as writing “morning pages”.

For those who are inexperienced at journaling, there are lots of fun pre-printed journals and books designed for you to destroy, draw all over and make your own. A blank page can be intimidating to even the most seasoned writer, so having your own lists of things to fill out or doodles to finish could be what you need to jumpstart your creativity.

Journaling is a great way to process thoughts and feelings, work out problems, record dreams and experiences and express yourself. It allows yourself to be creative, which helps you with your self-esteem and improves your self-knowledge. Also, journaling has been known to aid in the treatment of depression, anxiety and those suffering from PTSD. If that’s not enough to convince you to pick up a pen and start writing, I don’t know what will!

In this day and age we place so many demands ourselves that sometimes even going about our day-to-day lives is exhausting. As a person who likes to keep busy, I find myself struggling to stay balanced. You can follow my journey here, or click here or here to find more ways to streamline your life to keep it simple.

What are some of the ways that you stay balanced? Give us your advice below, or email your strategies to keepingbusywithb@gmail.com.

Winter 2019 Reading List

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Every girl needs her squad and every squad needs to read the books recommended to her by the others in her squad so that she may come to understand them and appreciate their taste better. It’s getting towards the end of the year, a time when I’m itching to return things I’ve borrowed anyway, so this winter I figured I’d finally get down to reading all of the books my girlfriends have gifted or loaned me (and try not to read too much into their choices).

  1. The Lotus Effect by Pavel G. Somov
  2. Skinny Girls by Lesley-Anne Bourne
  3. A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle
  4. We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver
  5. Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison

Psst- wanna see which books have previously graced my bookshelves? Click here. Want even more fun reading recommendations? I’ve got some for you here. Don’t forget to find me on Goodreads so we can snoop each other’s bookshelves and dish about our favourites.

How to Get Your Groove Back

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Stella got hers back, so why can’t you get your back too?

Ok, maybe she had a little help from Taye Diggs (and who couldn’t use a little help from Taye Diggs?) but you can still find a way to get back on track even if you’re not the glamorous subject of a 90s movie.

Maybe you’re like Stella and you’re in transition- you’ve had a baby, just got married, changed jobs, moved houses, been through a divorce. Even though sometimes change can be for the better, we still face challenges when we mix up the status quo.

You’re not alone. Everyone has blips or hiccups that leave them feeling less confident about their lives, or their ability to make a change. On the other hand, giving yourself a kick in the pants may be just what you need to get your butt in gear.

What motivates you to take action? Some people respond to fear or stress, or even anger. If challenging yourself forces you to do something, do it, but leave out all of the negative self-talk. You won’t always have other people around to support you when you need it, so it’s important to learn how to be your own cheerleader.

See, it really all comes down to you. The key to challenging yourself lies in changing the behavior patterns or habits that are counter-productive to leading the life that you want to live. It’s one of the trickier emotional tasks you’ll face- it’s not easy to take a good, hard look at yourself let alone take responsibility for your own shortcomings. And, let’s face it, you’ll never be perfect. Transitions take time and you’re never going to change everything about yourself, especially not all at once.

You may not even want to change; unfortunately a lot of us are forced to once we’ve experienced an upheaval in our lives. That’s ok; we’re growing and changing all the time as we learn more, travel more, meet more people, have new experiences. It doesn’t mean you’re still not you- you’re just a newer version of yourself. If you can respect this process and respect who you once were, you’ll eventually grow to love the person you’ve become. And if you don’t, change! Humans are incredibly capable at adapting. Ironically it’s this ability that will always lead us back to ourselves- to finding our own groove, our own place in the world, wherever our lives take us.

Have you experienced a recent upheaval in your life? What was difficult about the change? How did you handle it? Let’s see if we can all get into the same groove and share each other’s stories by either commenting below or sending them to me at keepingbusyb[a]gmail.com. I may include them in an upcoming post!

I wrote about the benefits of changing up my own life here and here. Looking for more ways to makeover your life? I’ve got solutions on how to balance a busy schedule here, organizing your life here and maximizing your productivity here.

Book Review: Elizabeth Gilbert on Living Creatively

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KBB-books-big-magic

Oh boy. Was I ever excited to read this book: not only is Elizabeth Gilbert one of my (living) literary girl crushes, but I couldn’t believe the amount of people who would come up to me, out of nowhere, and tell me how badly I needed to get my hands on a copy immediately.

Luckily- I found this book to be as advertised- a wonderful, inspirational read for virtually anyone looking to add a little bit of magic and creative whimsy to their otherwise busy, dissatisfying lives. Don’t believe me? Ask a friend of mine- let’s call her Wendy. It had been ages since I had seen Wendy so I was ecstatic to have the opportunity to catch up with her a few months back when she dropped by a local event that I had been hosting.

Things hadn’t been going so well for Wendy. She was one of those lucky girls who landed her dream job practically right out of college and had spent the last five years busy working her butt off climbing the corporate ladder when she swiftly and abruptly lost her job. It wasn’t her fault (the company was downsizing) but it was still a real blow to Wendy. For most of her young career she had worked steadily towards what she thought was a definitive goal she had some control over. Getting laid off made her feel adrift at sea, purposeless and uninspired until she picked up a copy of Big Magic.

What happened next to Wendy wasn’t unusual- after reading Gilbert’s manifesto on being creative and living fearlessly, she found the courage to pursue a passion project of her own and opened up an Etsy store. Although her prior job had been in a creative field, Wendy felt like she never had the freedom to put her own artistic touch on any of her work. Engaging in this kind of activity (making and selling things) was the spark she had been missing in her life, both personally and professionally. Even though when I met up with Wendy she was still unemployed, she confessed to me it was one of the first times she had felt fully satisfied with her life since she was an art student. Plus, she was making a few dollars on the side while she looked for a job. It seemed like a win-win situation, and Wendy was convinced it was thanks to the wisdom imparted in Big Magic.

It would be great to stop right here and tell you that Wendy went on to become a world-famous Etsy artist and made millions of dollars selling her wares because of Big Magic‘s advice, but I think what really happened after I saw Wendy was even more interesting.

Because neither of those things happened- Wendy still lives in the same modest (albeit beautiful) apartment and still lives the life of your average twenty-something. She’s still running her Etsy store, but by no means has she put all of her eggs in one basket because Wendy found a job. It’s less stressful and definitely less demanding than her previous job, and she thinks it’s great- having a steady job helps to pay the bills and the change of pace and environment has given her the breathing room to keep on doing what she loves in her spare time.

And that’s kind of the beauty of Big Magic- it’s not your typical “follow-your-dreams-and-make-your-doohickeys-it-will-make-a-lot-of-money-if-you-just-believe-in-yourself” self-help manual. Instead it’s more of a permission slip for those everywhere afraid to pursue their own interests, or explore what makes them excited or curious. It’s not a manual for how to do something creative with your life but instead a guide on how to live creatively.

Wendy knows this- she’s not interested in manufacturing her wares in a factory and shipping them worldwide. She relishes the slow thrill of her meticulous crafting process and the delight that each new customer brings. She’s happy to take a break from her creative work to focus on her professional work. For her, it’s enough.

Big Magic‘s biggest message, then, is the importance of making the room in your life to live it creatively, in whatever way you wish to interpret what creativity means to you. If it means creating for the sake of creation or exploring new interests, Gilbert wants you to go for it. (I do too, for that matter!) Maybe it won’t lead to your big break or a cushy bank account, but if it’s the only thing stopping you from living a happier, healthier, more satisfied life, then there’s no reason why you shouldn’t start, like, immediately.

Whatever the change, big or small, Big Magic wants you to make the shift.

KBwB-BFlower-50

Psst- wanna see which books have previously graced my bookshelves? Click here. Want even more fun reading recommendations? I’ve got some for you here. Don’t forget to find me on Goodreads so we can snoop each other’s bookshelves and dish about our favourites.