Tag Archives: balance

Random Acts of Kindness

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Living on your own can be rough. I learned this the hard way when I first moved into the apartment where I live now. Fresh out of a relationship, I had my own place for the first time, without any roommates or boyfriends. On one hand, it was liberating. On the other hand, it was a ton of work.

The difference between living by yourself and living with other people is that if you leave the dishes in the sink overnight, they’re still waiting for you when you wake up in the morning. There’s no one to blame for not taking out the garbage, and if you forget to go grocery shopping that’s just too bad- because there’s no one else to mooch off of, or someone to split a pizza with.

The stress of having to juggle all of these different tasks alone, combined with having to work a few part-time jobs to make ends meet, really started to get to me around Christmas time, when I somehow got roped into hosting some family for the holiday.

Ok, I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a part of me that was happy to take on this task. I guess in some ways I felt like hosting during the holidays would prove to everyone and myself that I was holding it together. Yeah, right.

Cut to late in the evening, the night before Christmas: the place was a mess, the presents weren’t wrapped, and I was elbow-deep in some last-minute baking when I realized that I my load of laundry had been sitting in the dryer pretty much the whole day. It had been another nasty surprise in a series of unexpected tasks that had been popping up the whole day;  having clean sheets was the last thing on my mind. But my morning had got off to a miserable start when my dog decided to regurgitate the entire contents of her stomach on my bed, and everything had gone downhill from there.

Breathless and covered in flour, I ran downstairs to the laundry room hoping that no one had left an angry message for hogging the machines, or worse, that someone hadn’t thrown my clean things onto the floor in a fit of irritation.

But when I arrived there were my sheets, folded neatly and waiting quietly for me on the counter. The sight of it made me burst into tears.

I asked virtually everyone I knew around the building if they had folded my laundry, or even if they knew who had done it. No one claimed to be my laundry fairy, and no one had seen anyone come in or out of the laundry room that afternoon or evening.

Obviously my benefactor wanted to remain mysterious, so I did the only thing I could do, in true B fashion: I left a colorful, homemade thank-you note, letting whoever it was know how much that small gesture had meant to me.

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I’ve still never figured out who that person was, and perhaps I never will. My neighbors have probably forgotten all about it but every year, around this time of year, I think about that random act of kindness that saved my sanity. It reminds me that there is goodness around, even when all else seems to be dark. It reminds me that people are capable of looking out for each other, without feeling the need to be acknowledged or owed. It reminds me that kindness exists for kindness’ sake, and that one random act has a way of growing and expanding until its effect becomes more meaningful that the deed itself.

I think about my laundry fairy when I smile at a stranger on the street. I am reminded of him or her when I see someone helping a neighbor dig their car out of the snow. All the moments where I don’t have the right change, when someone lets me cut in line, or stops me in the supermarket to compliment me on my outfit; these are the times when I think of the laundry fairy and the kindness that she spread, and the kindness that was spread in turn because of her actions.

Hopefully one day you’ll get an opportunity to encounter your very own laundry fairy, or to be someone else’s laundry fairy in turn. I think no matter what faith we believe in, or what holiday we celebrate, the one thing we have in common is the ability- and the responsibility- to show kindness and compassion towards our fellow human beings, not just during this season, but all the year throughout.

After all, that’s what being a laundry fairy is really about.

KBwB-BFlower-50

Operation: Crisis Management

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KBB_elastic_bandsOnce in awhile, you will find yourself in a tangle.

If you are reading this, then maybe you’re in the middle of one right now. Or maybe you’re reading this because you’re hoping to have the information in case you run into trouble one day.

Either way, you are not alone. We are together in this. I am here for you.

I got the idea of “Operation: Crisis Management” from an English teacher I had way back as a senior in high school. She was incredibly sensitive to the overwhelming pressure we faced before graduating and she’d watch as even the best of students (including myself) would crumble under the enormous workload. Every once in awhile, she’d take one of us aside after class, sit us down and declare, “You need crisis management!” Looking back on it, I’m amazed how often she took the time out of her own busy life to go over our assignments with us and decided what we needed to prioritize in order to get the most important things done. It’s something for which I now I am incredibly grateful.

All of us will eventually need to evoke “crisis management”- whether we’re catching up on work after an unexpected illness, coping with a family emergency, or experiencing personal problems. These are all crises, and you can work through them.

The most important thing is that you find your helpers first: a team of friends, family members, colleagues or members of the community who are willing and able to provide the resources that you need in order to manage whatever you are going through. If you do not have access to these resources, find someone you trust and ask them to help you. At the very least, you owe to the people who care about you to let them know that you’re working through something difficult. They want to be allowed the opportunity to help.

Professionally speaking, it’s important that you maintain honest, direct and appropriate communication with your superiors and your colleagues about your capacity to perform at work. Maintaining boundaries is important and healthy, but a few quick words with your boss about your break-up, or the death of a grandparent is better than taking time off without warning, or spending the majority of your shift crying in the bathroom.

Now more than ever, it’s important to be mindful of your own needs. People are over-scheduled and over-worked as it is, and dealing with a crisis lowers your mood, zaps your energy, and in some cases makes you sick. You are allowed to take a break, which means learning to say no to anything that’s not an immediate priority during this time. Delay and delegate tasks whenever possible– it will allow you the breathing room you need to complete whatever needs to be done, and hopefully give you time to recharge. Eating right, drinking water, exercising, fresh air, meditation and getting enough sleeping all help with burnout. (For more tips on how to deal with burnout, read this post. I’ll also convince you to sleep more here.)

Sometimes crises will come up and they will be unexpected, or inevitable. Personal crises such as deaths, physical and mental illnesses, break-ups or other emergencies will, unfortunately, happen to all of us.

Once in a while, we come across people who always seem to be in crisis whether it’s because they’re overwhelmed by their dysfunctional family, burdened with continuous relationship problems, or constantly take on too many projects at work. You may be one of these people yourself.

Bad things happen to everyone. It’s how we cope with them that counts.

As difficult as it may seem, each challenge we face comes with a learning opportunity that ultimately helps us understand and grow as human beings. Sometimes there will be things that happen that are circumstantial, or out of our control. Sometimes they are sad and unfair. But we have a choice as to how we handle them.

If you begin to notice the same patterns occurring, and the crises you seem to face over and over again are similar, it may be time to revisit your own behaviors and choices. Be honest with yourself and ask what you may be contributing to your own crises. Do you avoid making decisions? Are you saying yes to more things than you can handle? Instead of beating yourself up about past actions that you can’t control, figure out how you can use this information in the future. Maybe it means learning how to set better boundaries, or learning when to say no. You have the power and the self-insight to develop your own coping mechanisms in the best way you see fit, as long as it doesn’t inflict any harm on yourself or others.

J.D. Salinger once said, “On particularly rough days when I’m sure I can’t possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100%, and that’s pretty good.” I’ve survived 100% of the bad days as well.

You can too.

KBwB-BFlower-50Sending lots of love and good feels out over the interwebs to anyone that’s going through anything. I hope this post helps you in some small way.

Even though I write a blog with the word “busy” in the title, I still feel like we do way too much stuff. Part of keeping busy is finding a balance, so sometimes I blog about that here. I hope you take the time to find balance, too.

 

 

 

 

 

30 Seconds

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I was almost hit by a car the other day.

The funny thing was, the scariest part of the event was not the almost-being-hit part. It was what the driver yelled out of the window after me as he sped away.

“Thanks a lot (expletive)! I’m already late for work!”

Luckily no one was harmed in the incident but what the driver yelled at me left me rattled for the rest of the day. See, I had been rushing somewhere as well before it happened and as I was waiting for the light to change I was feeling antsy, wondering if I was going to make it on time. I briefly considered crossing against the light but the traffic was bad and I ultimately decided it was better to arrive alive (and a little late) other than end up in the hospital, or worse, the morgue.

It just wasn’t worth it to me.

I get it, too; people lead busy lives- we’re overworked, overtired, over-stressed. We live in a culture that values the speed at which we can access and provide goods, services and information, sometimes to the detriment of the quality and/or value of said goods, services and information. There’s a ton of pressure to constantly lower the bottom line.

But what does that mean to you?

In this case, an extra thirty seconds waiting at an intersection for the light to change probably wouldn’t have made a big difference in the scheme of things, (After all, if you’re already late, you’re still going to be late. See here.) Or maybe it could have- the driver could have been an employee on probation for arriving late too many times, or maybe he was the one responsible for giving a big presentation, or holding a big meeting. Being late could have cost him money, a client, or even his job.

It only would have cost me my life.

It would have meant serious consequences for the driver, as well. He definitely would have been late for work if he had hit me with his car, and if he had hit me and not stopped, he would have been in greater trouble still. It’s kind of hard to go to work when you’re serving time for a hit and run.

What does it mean, then, about the price you’re willing to pay for the things you have in your life? Are you willing to lie, steal, and cheat? How many shortcuts are you willing to use to find your bottom line? Does your success mean more to you than your ability to be kind? Is it worth more than your integrity?

What is success really worth to you if it means harming other people in order to achieve it?

I don’t like being late, either. (Evidence here.) But saving thirty seconds out of my day isn’t worth someone’s life. And thirty seconds is all it takes to pause, and breathe, and think about how your actions have consequences, and how these actions reflect on the kind of person you want to be.

Time is fleeting, and thirty seconds comes and goes in the blink of an eye. It could mean nothing to you, and everything to someone else.

What are you going to do with that time?

KBwB-BFlower-50Want more solutions on how to find balance in your life? Click here to read more.

The Perfectionism Prescription

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Hi, my name is B and I’m a perfectionist. I guess that’s why I’ve always been into researching the best ways to create a life that’s organized and productive. Maybe it’s my Type A personality, or my love of office supplies, or the encouragement I received from an early age to always “do your best”- I’m not sure how I developed this passion. Needless to say, I’ve tried to focus all of this knowledge and energy into a career that involves helping other people achieve that balance. I like to think that it’s a talent of mine.

Unfortunately, “balance” isn’t always a word in the vocabularies of people like myself. Throwing 100% of yourself into everything that you do is pretty admirable, but it’s also pretty exhausting.

And while we’re on the subject of giving it your best, what does “your best” mean anyways? What does “your best” look like? Does it change as you learn, and grow, and improve yourself? What if you can push yourself to do better?

At what point in time do you reach perfectionism?

There’s a narrow path between “best” and “good enough” known as perfectionism, and it’s a rocky road on which to find yourself. On the one hand, you may want to perform well on a task because it reflects favorably on your abilities and leaves you with a sense of satisfaction. On the other hand, the fear of failing leads to a line of questioning about your capacity to complete the task at all. What if I’m not good enough? What if I’m not good at anything? Or worse- what if someone else can do it better?

This is just one example. Perfectionism manifests itself in different ways. Some people can never complete a task because they feel that it’s never good enough; it’s never truly done. Others can’t even bring themselves to begin a task because they’re so overwhelmed with their own predictions of failure.

Figuring out the value of what “good enough” means to you- and knowing when and where you can learn to lower your standards- is half the battle in combating perfectionism. Of course, for people who have been practicing being perfect their whole lives this is an accomplishment that’s easier said than done. Perfectionism is a habit that is learned over the years and learning not to listen to that inner critic is a challenge. You may want to ask yourself how you allowed that voice in your head to get so loud anyway but maybe the better question is: why are you giving it your attention?

In the end the prescription for perfectionism is really about learning how to outwit your own worst enemy: yourself.

For perfectionists who never seem to get anything done because they get caught up in the details, it may be useful to limit the number of revisions you allow yourself on a project, or delegate tasks to cut down on your initial workload. For perfectionists who never seem to accomplish anything because they just can’t get started, it may be useful to set yourself mini-deadlines, or break down a project into smaller tasks to make your to-do list a little more manageable. (I’ve got some great advice on how to do that here.)

Finally, to all perfectionists everywhere, I dare you to try at least doing one thing less than perfectly. Trust me, the world won’t fall apart. In fact, you may even surprise yourself. You may find that just simply doing your best (whatever that may mean) is just “good enough”.

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Do you struggle with perfectionism like I do? Comment below to share the story of your struggle or drop me a line at keepingbusyb@gmail.com to let me know how you’re dealing with it. Spelling and punctuation don’t count, I swear. (See? I’m giving you permission to be imperfect.)

When You Just Need a Sounding Board

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Everyone needs at least one important person in their professional lives that has nothing to do with your boss, your co-workers, or your employees. Whether you’re the person who runs meetings or the person who cleans up after them, we all as professional people need a sounding board to get us through our professional crises and challenges.

Swapping work horror stories over margaritas with friends may be a fun way to unwind and let loose all of that nasty stuff that you’ve been holding in all week, like how tired you are of hearing your co-worker swoon over her new boyfriend, or how poorly-dressed the new supervisor was last Thursday.

Having someone to act as a sounding board for you is a more meaningful experience than that. It’s useful to be able to gossip (and depending on your relationship with your sounding board there may be some sniping involved). But more importantly, your sounding board is someone you should be able to go to in times of real difficulty; someone who knows you well enough to understand how you operate and which professional goals mean the most to you. They can help provide an objective perspective on your own unique challenges at work while keeping your personal and professional well-being in mind.

This person may be a trusted friend, a former colleague, or an acquaintance met through work connections. Maybe it’s a friend of yours that has similar career goals, or a relative who may have experience in your particular field. Whatever your relationship is to your sounding board, they ultimately should be someone you trust and ultimately someone whose opinion you respect. Ideally, your sounding board should be drawn from your pool of acquaintances outside of your own workplace (if you have one). Work relationships run the risk of going south quickly if sensitive or potentially harmful information is shared. Open communication between you and your sounding board is key; it’s important that you choose a sounding board with whom you can be candid, and who can return your candor in a constructive way.

A mentor may be someone with whom you share a working relationship, or hope to someday; a sounding board is someone with whom you can maintain a somewhat professional distance. You never want your own personal feelings or opinions to get in the way of a potential client or partnership. A sounding board is someone who will understand that you are not the sum of what you do to make money and that your career is not necessarily based on the current job you have.

I’m lucky enough to have a couple of different sounding boards in my life- people who I can rant to, people who can give me guidance when I’m feeling stuck, even people who are willing to look at my work with a fresh pair of eyes when I’m feeling like my brain is made of mush.

Choose your sounding boards carefully and you can find yourself in one of the best relationships you’ve experienced in your working career.  I know I have and as I continue to dream and grow (and mostly dream) my business, I hope to meet many more.

KBwB-BFlower-50Do you have a sounding board in your life? Give them a shout-out below, or if you’ve got a special story to share, email it to me at keepingbusyb@gmail.com and I may decide to include it in a future post (with you and your sounding board’s permission, of course).

I look at careers and working life a little differently than the rest- probably because I spend most of my life working and then reading books that are about working. To see where I get some of my inspiration, click here to read some of my business book reviews. If you’re looking for more ways to balance your professional life, I write a lot about doing business here.