Tag Archives: friends

It’s About Who You Like, Not Who Likes You

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Are you a people-pleaser? Are you always the first to volunteer for something? Do you experience a certain sense of satisfaction when you do something for someone else?

Yeah, that’s me to a T.

I think we all want to be liked (myself included) and one of the easiest ways to endear yourself to people is generosity, whether it be financial, emotional or physical. We think that people will see our kindness and that it will make them like us more. Unfortunately, that is not the truth. People will like you because of the things you do for them, not because of who you are. Worst of all, some of these people will take advantage of your kind nature and you will be so busy trying to please them that you won’t even realize it’s happening.

The other day, a friend flipped the whole thing around for me. “Why do you even want these people to like you?” she asked. “Do you even like them?”

Wait. So I was trying to get people to like me even though I might not necessarily like them? Where was the logic in that? Where was the rule stating that everyone had to like me no matter what?

Do I want to be friends with a bully? Do I want to be friends with someone I think is mean? Rude? Toxic? Fake? Selfish? Ignorant? The answer to all the above is no.

So if I don’t want to be friends with them, why would I even want them to like me? What does it say about my character if they do?

So from now on I’m following my friend’s advice. “Think about the people that you like,” she said. “The people you actually admire, who share your values, who you appreciate as a person. Those are the people whose approval you seek. Those are the people that you target as your friends. If you give, they will give back and you’ll keep on giving to each other because that’s how we take care of each other. That’s how we take care of our friends. We choose the best people for us and we nurture them.”

Easier said than done, especially as you grow older and the opportunities to cultivate our friendships grow fewer and farther between and meeting new people becomes more difficult.

I’m lucky to have been able to surround myself with some really strong, intelligent and talented men and women who are above all things kind, and whose generosity seems to know no limits. These are the the people I like, the people I want to be friends with and at the end of the day, I only care about whether they like me too. (Surprisingly enough, they say yes.)

In this day and age we place so many demands ourselves that sometimes even going about our day-to-day lives is exhausting. As a person who likes to keep busy, I find myself struggling to stay balanced. You can follow my journey here, or click here or here to find more ways to streamline your life to keep it simple.

What are some of the ways that you stay balanced? Give us your advice below, or email your strategies to keepingbusywithb@gmail.com.

10 Homemade Gifts Even the Busiest Girl Can Make

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My dad tells this story about a time when I was younger and my family was going through a rough patch financially. It was Christmastime and my dad was stressing out about making ends meet, let alone giving his young family a nice Christmas.

I must have caught wind of the situation somehow, because my dad describes me as suddenly becoming very busy in the days leading up to Christmas. I squirreled myself away in my room, only emerging occasionally to ask for art supplies. My parents had no idea what I was up to until Christmas Eve, when I proudly put all of my homemade gifts under the tree.

The story usually ends with my dad confessing that to this day he still owns the gift I made for him, a small plastic container covered in construction paper and glue, with a handmade label on the lid that says “paperclips”. (Spelled incorrectly, by the way. Also there’s a wiggly line that looks like a worm curling up in distress which I can only assume is a drawing of a paperclip.)

It’s his favorite gift of all time (or so he claims) and even though I’m a little bit biased, I have to agree- homemade gifts are some of the most meaningful to give and receive. They don’t necessarily require a whole lot of time, money or Martha’s crazy crafting skills. Here are some of my favorites that I’ve made and/or received over the years:

(1) I love baking so it’s not unusual to receive a gift of edible goodies from me around this time of year. If sweets aren’t your thing, other homemade goods that can be packaged up and stored also make great gifts, such as pasta sauce, snack mixes or homemade pickles. If you want to be super fancy, why not experiment with dried herbs, chilies and spices to make your own infused oils or vinaigrettes? (For baking ideas, click here. To go straight to my favorite Christmas cookie recipes, click here.)

(2) Maybe you’re not a baker yourself, but you know someone who appreciates baked goods all the same. Save yourself time and effort by gifting them a pre-packaged mix for cookies or scones, and top with a cute cookie cutter or mixing spoon. Dry soup mixes and specialty drink mixes also make great gifts, plus they’re easy to assemble in bulk for mass-giving. (For some suggestions, click here.)

(3) Not everyone has the ability, talent or time to sew, knit or crochet gifts for all of their friends at Christmas, but even the most novice of crafters can still pull off one of these easy scarf projects simply by using their fingers. You can always find time to work on projects like these while commuting or watching Netflix. (For other finger knitting projects, click here.)

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(4) Crafts are always more fun when they’re a little personalized. Give the budding gardener in your life the supplies to make their own gardening labels like I did here using only tongue depressors and white outdoor paint. I used Sharpies on mine but paint pens or markers would probably work even better!

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(5) I have a couple of artistic friends that take their cues from nature; you may recognize this little fairy door from Instagram that I received as a gift for my birthday a couple of summers ago. It’s made entirely of little twigs, pebbles, moss and other flora and fauna that can be found at your closest park.

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Another friend of mine collected smooth stones from the river near her cottage and gave them her own touch with a coat of paint. She gave them out to friends and family members last Christmas, and mine sits on my desk as a paperweight. I love looking at it every day!

(6) If staying indoors is more your thing, there are all sorts of crafts that can be made using things around your home. For example, a neighbor had just finished tiling her back splash and was getting rid of a few leftover tiles. I snagged a few and turned them into coasters using my trusty Sharpies and a coat of epoxy to seal and protect it.

(7) Even if crafting isn’t your thing you can still give a purchased gift a homemade flair. A friend of mine buys chocolate bars in bulk and turns them into tasty bouquets as gifts. (Here’s some inspiration on how to wrap candy gifts.)

(8) Don’t forget the favorite animals in your life! Once my dog G brought her favorite dog biscuits for all her doggie friends to a human cookie exchange, which you can read all about here.

(9) Looking for a way to treat a run-down friend or family member? Homemade scrubs, masks, hair treatments and lotions can all be made in bulk and popped into pretty jars for a luxurious gift. Just make sure you take note of any skin or hair conditions or other allergies or sensitivities before you give. (Click here to find some recipes.)

(10) I love scented candles but I’m always stuck with the jars they come in after they’re done. As a last-minute craft idea for a kid’s birthday party I was hosting, I grabbed one of the jars and used a mixture of one part water and one part glue to decoupage tissue paper to the glass, making a stained glass effect. They were so festive I couldn’t resist making a couple more for Christmas, plus it’s a great way of re-purposing a small jar or candle holder that needs a facelift. (Click here for more candle gifts.)

Happy crafting!

B

KBwB-Flower-50

Holiday celebrations can be fun, but only if you can ensure that things go smoothly. While there are never any guarantees when it comes to social gatherings, there are still plenty of ways to get your holiday game on. Click here to read more of them, or click here or here to read about some of the other best practices I’ve been trying to put into my place in my life.

 

10 Memorable Gifts for Family and Friends

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One thing we don’t talk about often enough is that Christmas is a time of remembrance, a chance to share and create your own new memories and traditions. In a world where the holidays seem to be the only chance to truly make time for the people you care about, it seems more important than ever to uphold this sense of togetherness.

One of the ways you can celebrate the people you love is by giving them a meaningful gift that commemorates your relationship. Here are some ideas for memorable gifts that I’ve given, received, or heard about throughout the years.

(1) When we graduated from high school, one of my friends gave each of the girls in our group a picture commemorating a vacation we had taken together the summer before our senior year of high school. She personalized them with inside jokes and funny memories she shared with each of us using a Sharpie and a wooden frame. It was so simple, yet so special, and I still have it to this day.

(2) One of my favorite Internet trends is seeing all the people re-creating old childhood photos as a way of marking a special occasion. Getting a family portrait done at Christmas is one way of sharing memories with family and friends, but I happen to think that adding your own humorous flair makes the idea even more special. (Check out this site for some inspiration.)

(3) Can’t decide on just one photo? Commemorate a special event, trip or person by putting together a mini-scrapbook as a gift, or create your own professional-looking photo book using a service like Blurb or Shutterfly. I did this for my sister for her birthday a couple of years ago and it’s still one of my favorite gifts I’ve ever given.

(4) The only thing that a bookworm loves more than books is books about books, which is why I created a personalized reading journal for a friend of mine one year for Christmas. A big part of our friendship consisted of raiding each other’s bookshelves, talking about what we’ve read, and looking for what titles to pick up next. Using a blank notebook I created lists of virtually every category I thought would be of interest and included quotations from some of his favorite novels. Plus, there was still lots of space left over for his own thoughts, doodles and notes. I ended up liking it so much I wish someone had made one for me!

(5) If bacon is more your thing than books, consider taking the book list idea and fill a notebook with favorite recipes, or lists or favorite wines or restaurants or try. I’ve carried a recipe binder for twelve years now filled with the food my family and friends love. Some of the recipes from there have made their way to other people’s recipe binders, too. Don’t limit yourself to just a binder either- recipe cards, notebooks, duo-tangs or even your own self-published version could all work.

(6) All that work it takes to create a book can be daunting to some people. A time capsule is a great way of sharing memories that cuts down on the time and effort put into designing a book. For example, if there’s been a new addition to your family this year, get each of your relatives to write a letter to be opened at a later date to commemorate baby’s first Christmas. Some families turn this into a yearly tradition by gifting children their own dated ornaments, or instead create a ritual like buying seasonal pajamas each year to be open and worn on Christmas Eve.

(7) Put your kids to work by getting them working on their own Christmas projects for family and friends. My co-worker’s daughter painted portraits on canvas for all of the friends of the family one year; the portrait she painted of our other co-worker and the beautiful message she included with it brought me to tears. She also made me this awesome re-creation of my dog, Gemma, using Perler beads. (I love how she kind of looks like the Pink Power Ranger.)

(8) Can’t turn your kids into a Christmas craft-making factory? Make your life easier by re-purposing their artwork to make unique gifts for family and friends. Spoonflower is a great tool to turn your kids drawings into fabric, wallpaper or gift wrap, and sites like Society6, Café Press and Zazzle allow you to upload any image and print it onto apparel and accessories like iPhone cases, beach towels and tote bags. (And more! Honestly, none of these sites paid me to say that.)

(9) You don’t really have to feel guilty about re-gifting something you know that someone else has been coveting. One of my best book buddies unloaded a huge stack of books on me one Christmas because she knew how badly I wanted to catch up on the series we were both reading. Sure, I know it was something she already had but the fact that she wanted to pass them on to me so I could enjoy them as well was worth way more than the money she could have spent. Just throw in a gift card to your favorite local coffee shop and you’ve set the recipient up for a lovely afternoon.

(10) At the end of the day I think one of the nicest gifts you can give is your time. When I look back at my holiday memories, I remember the experiences more than anything-going skating with my friends, my Uncle taking my sister and I to The Nutcracker ballet, dancing around the Christmas tree with my fellow members of Toronto’s Swedish community. If you really want to do something memorable as a gift this holiday season, do something together. I guarantee it will be more meaningful than anything that can be bought in a store.

Happy memory-making!

B

KBwB-Flower-50Holiday celebrations can be fun, but only if you can ensure that things go smoothly. While there are never any guarantees when it comes to social gatherings, there are still plenty of ways to get your holiday game on. Click here to read more of them, or click here or here to read about some of the other best practices I’ve been trying to put into my place in my life.

Baking with B: Andi’s Gluten-Free Cranberry Almond Biscotti

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Andi is a neighbor of mine and one of the people that I admire most in this world: she carries herself with such poise and grace that it almost makes me envy her; and you’d hate her for how smart, beautiful and accomplished she is except that she’s so kind-hearted you kind of have to love her anyways.

So when I was making my neighbors some goody bags for Christmas, I felt badly for excluding Andi because of her gluten-free diet. She’s always lamenting that she never gets to try any of the things that I make, so I decided it was time to make her something of her own.

Having not ever made biscotti before-combined with being unfamiliar with many of the GF flours out there- made me a little bit nervous. The results were golden and a little bit spicy, but for some reason retained a slightly chewy texture in the middle that was decidedly delicious, but decidedly un-biscotti like. (Psst. Here’s the part where you email me with your gluten-free, biscotti-making advice.)

Still, I liked them enough to try them again and include them in my baking repertoire. The almond flour gives it an even nuttier flavor that’s not too sweet, and it goes perfectly with a strong Italian espresso.

Andi’s Gluten-Free Cranberry Almond Biscotti (makes 12)

(based on a recipe I originally found here)

2 large eggs

1/3 c. honey

zest from one orange

1 1/2 c. almond flour

2 tbsp arrowroot flour

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp sea salt

1/2 c. dried cranberries

1/2 almonds, sliced

In a medium bowl, combine eggs, honey and orange zest and beat until frothy. Add flours, baking soda and sea salt to the bowl and mix until a dough forms. Add cranberries and almonds and stir to combine.

Spoon out dough onto a parchment-lined cookie sheet and use fingers to shape it into a long rectangle, approximately 4×12 inches. (B’s Tip: The dough will be sticky, gooey and hard to manipulate so you can always use the back of a spoon that’s been dipped in cold water to help shape your rectangle.) Make sure to leave room on all sides as the dough will spread as it cooks.

Bake dough in oven that’s been preheated to 350F for approximately 20 minutes or until golden. Remove from the oven and let cool for 1 hour. Once cooled, slice your log on a diagonal to get those long, angular biscotti shapes (about 1″ thick). Lay biscotti on their sides and return to oven for an additional 15-20 minutes until crunchy.

B’s Tip: Believe me, it’s hard to wait for the biscotti to cool before slicing them but trust me- they’re much easier to slice if you do and they need that drying-out time to get that crunchy consistency. Make the process go faster by placing your cookie tray on a raised cooling rack to get the air flowing underneath it, and keep them far away from your warm oven!

Happy baking!

B

KBwB-Flower-50Baking with B appears every other Monday on the Keeping Busy with B Blog. Find out why I like baking so much here. For more of my baking, click here. And for even more recipe inspiration, check out my Pinterest full of food eye candy that will have you licking your computer. Promise.

Random Acts of Kindness

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Living on your own can be rough. I learned this the hard way when I first moved into the apartment where I live now. Fresh out of a relationship, I had my own place for the first time, without any roommates or boyfriends. On one hand, it was liberating. On the other hand, it was a ton of work.

The difference between living by yourself and living with other people is that if you leave the dishes in the sink overnight, they’re still waiting for you when you wake up in the morning. There’s no one to blame for not taking out the garbage, and if you forget to go grocery shopping that’s just too bad- because there’s no one else to mooch off of, or someone to split a pizza with.

The stress of having to juggle all of these different tasks alone, combined with having to work a few part-time jobs to make ends meet, really started to get to me around Christmas time, when I somehow got roped into hosting some family for the holiday.

Ok, I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a part of me that was happy to take on this task. I guess in some ways I felt like hosting during the holidays would prove to everyone and myself that I was holding it together. Yeah, right.

Cut to late in the evening, the night before Christmas: the place was a mess, the presents weren’t wrapped, and I was elbow-deep in some last-minute baking when I realized that I my load of laundry had been sitting in the dryer pretty much the whole day. It had been another nasty surprise in a series of unexpected tasks that had been popping up the whole day;  having clean sheets was the last thing on my mind. But my morning had got off to a miserable start when my dog decided to regurgitate the entire contents of her stomach on my bed, and everything had gone downhill from there.

Breathless and covered in flour, I ran downstairs to the laundry room hoping that no one had left an angry message for hogging the machines, or worse, that someone hadn’t thrown my clean things onto the floor in a fit of irritation.

But when I arrived there were my sheets, folded neatly and waiting quietly for me on the counter. The sight of it made me burst into tears.

I asked virtually everyone I knew around the building if they had folded my laundry, or even if they knew who had done it. No one claimed to be my laundry fairy, and no one had seen anyone come in or out of the laundry room that afternoon or evening.

Obviously my benefactor wanted to remain mysterious, so I did the only thing I could do, in true B fashion: I left a colorful, homemade thank-you note, letting whoever it was know how much that small gesture had meant to me.

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I’ve still never figured out who that person was, and perhaps I never will. My neighbors have probably forgotten all about it but every year, around this time of year, I think about that random act of kindness that saved my sanity. It reminds me that there is goodness around, even when all else seems to be dark. It reminds me that people are capable of looking out for each other, without feeling the need to be acknowledged or owed. It reminds me that kindness exists for kindness’ sake, and that one random act has a way of growing and expanding until its effect becomes more meaningful that the deed itself.

I think about my laundry fairy when I smile at a stranger on the street. I am reminded of him or her when I see someone helping a neighbor dig their car out of the snow. All the moments where I don’t have the right change, when someone lets me cut in line, or stops me in the supermarket to compliment me on my outfit; these are the times when I think of the laundry fairy and the kindness that she spread, and the kindness that was spread in turn because of her actions.

Hopefully one day you’ll get an opportunity to encounter your very own laundry fairy, or to be someone else’s laundry fairy in turn. I think no matter what faith we believe in, or what holiday we celebrate, the one thing we have in common is the ability- and the responsibility- to show kindness and compassion towards our fellow human beings, not just during this season, but all the year throughout.

After all, that’s what being a laundry fairy is really about.

KBwB-BFlower-50

Alone for the Holidays

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KBB_glass_of_wineA couple of years ago I found myself breaking up with boyfriend. We had been sharing an apartment together but the break-up came so quickly that neither of us at the time could afford to start new lives apart, so we ended up living together for nine months afterwards. It was an interesting experience to say the least, but it was definitely hard.

Unfortunately, our living arrangement meant that we were locked into spending the holiday season together. I normally love Christmas but that year I dreaded opening the Christmas boxes. Just the thought of it made my stomach churn.

My ex could see that I was hurting and encouraged me to bite the bullet and open the boxes. It felt like I had had a Christmas tree thrown at me; it was painful, and shocking, and itchy, and not at all festive.

After we recovered from the shock, we put on a brave face and decorated anyway, because it was Christmas, and I loved Christmas, and you can’t ignore the things you love and make you happy just because you feel so overwhelmingly sad about everything else. And as painful as the initial reveal of all that Christmas stuff was, it did make me feel a little bit better to put up the tree and some lights and see everything twinkling from outside our building.

I tell this story now because I know there are people out there who are in the same situation as I was – people who are newly single, or still dealing with loss, or just feeling plain damn lonely because the holidays are coming. I usually share fun recipes, or great books that I read, or organizing things that make me happy on this blog. But what I don’t write about are the periods of transition in our lives- of people coming together only to fall apart again – and the natural ebb and flow of people coming and going from our lives is astonishing. It can be a learning experience. But it can also be painful.

Life is hard enough as it sometimes without having to deal with stuff. It doesn’t help that around Christmas talk of friends and family and togetherness is constantly being crammed down our throats. It makes you feel stupid. It makes you feel lonely. It makes you feel like you failed.

For those of you who are out there, going through the same things that I went through, I want you to know that you didn’t fail. You’re not stupid. And I know it feels lonely. But you’re not alone. You are attractive, and smart, and talented, and brave, and strong and although you may feel lonely, you are not alone. Not forever anyway. I truly believe that there is so much love going around in the world that we don’t always feel it, but it’s out there, and it can reveal itself in the strangest of ways. So I’m sending out my love to all those lonely people out there over the interwebs. With love, we can get through the Christmas season together.

We’re all in this together so email me if you’re feeling down at keepingbusyb@gmail.com. Looking ways for distract yourself over the holidays? I’ve got tons of ideas on projects to keep you busy here.

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Making a List-So You Don’t Have to Check It Twice!

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KBB_making_a_listAfter taking a quick survey of friends, family members and café baristas (those last interviews were a little awkward), I figured out that everyone struggles when sending out Christmas cards each year. One woman even confessed that last year she sent hers on Boxing Day- not a great plan considering that’s still a holiday for postal workers.

Even though most people know me as a great advocate of anything involving written correspondence, I think they would be surprised to find that I actually struggle with Christmas cards as well. It’s not that I don’t enjoy writing them- fun pens and a glass of wine usually help with that- it’s just the sheer amount of cards that make the task so intimidating.

So what do you do when faced with a stack of blank cards?

Make like Santa Claus, and make a list.

I know, some days I think I should change my middle name to “List” (my middle initial is already L) but making a Christmas card list is easy- just write down all the names of the people to whom you send or give Christmas cards. (If you’ve already done this for your Christmas gifts, make sure you reference that list as well. Here’s how to make one here.) Make sure you include names of spouses and/or children (I think it’s nice to include everyone!).

I make this task easier every year by keeping track of all the names and addresses of people who have sent me cards the year before. There’s a copy on my computer and a copy in my command central binder for easy reference.

Find some way to differentiate between the cards that you’ll send in the mail and the cards that you’ll be delivering in person. Don’t forget to further separate your mailing list between cards that are sent nationally and internationally. Check with your local post office to see the recommended due dates for national and international mailings.

To make the process easier on myself every year, I usually keep a running total of the number of people on my list so I know how many Christmas cards to buy (although it’s always good to have extra) and so I can calculate how much I will need to spend on postage and budget accordingly. You may even want to invest in return address labels, or keep an updated file for mailing labels on your computer ready.

Then it’s just a matter of getting the creative juices flowing with a little eggnog, some carols and a Christmas cookie or two. It doesn’t have to be Shakespeare. Write about the weather, any major events that have happened to you or your family in the past year, and ask after their families and lives as well. Keep it sweet and simple.

Make sure if you’ve moved that you include a copy of your new address inside the card and on the envelope so people know where to reach you in the future. This is a great opportunity to ask for other addresses that are missing in your address book as well.

Lastly, please make sure you keep in mind the beliefs of all the people on your Christmas card list! Not everyone appreciates an über-religious card, and some people do not appreciate a Christmas card altogether. There’s nothing more embarrassing than realizing the “neutral holiday greeting card” that you’re about to give your Jewish boyfriend’s parents has a giant glittering Santa on it. (True story-it happened to a friend of mine years ago.)

Maybe you should have checked that list twice, after all.

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Now that you’ve checked your greeting cards off of your to-do list, you’re ready to tackle another project! Find more great ideas for organizing projects on my busy page.